Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I've been schooled...

Lesson for the (last) week:
1.) Never take your toddler to open a new bank account, you may just leave an unintended lasting impression.

Setting: Adam the bank account representatives, getting smaller by the second, office.

 As soon as we walk in the room Levi makes a beeline for underneath the desk. I'm confident he's just displaying normal 2 year old curiosity, so I decide to leave him alone about it. As I'm watching him, I look down and recognize "the face"... As I'm observing making sure he's doing what I think he's doing... he spies me spying him... I get a swift "NoOoOo mommy!!"... and there's my answer, he's doing exactly what I think he's doing. Levi, has chosen a hiding spot. No, not for your endearing cute kid game of peekaboo. Levi, is doing his "business" in a place of business, under the account representatives desk. I am trying to wipe the look of horror off my face, and "play it cool", as the odor begins wafting through the air. Aaron dares to ask "Levi, are you pooping" (never interrupt a (my) pooping toddler) Levi: (in his best Gollum impression) "NOOOOO". I'm holding Blaise, so that's Aaron's cue, He scoops Levi up and rids us of the offensive odor permeating this very small space...
My hero returns with a fresh bottomed 2 year old, we give him a sucker (also, known in Levi terms as a "secret"?) and he sits down lapping away on his neon blue lolli. All is right with the world... for now.
We go about our business discussing the details of our new account. As he finished his lollipop, Levi began displaying signs of sleep deprivation, IE: incessant chattering about the "fider" (spider) in the corner of the room, fluttering eye lids, drooling. I, recognizing his "cues", pulled him into my lap to settle him down. Levi, appreciating my comforting gesture... proceeds to cram his hand in my shirt. Blushing, I said; "No buddy, that's private" and removed his hand...

This is what followed:

Levi: "no mommy, no mommy, ont (want) boobies" Me: "No buddy, that's private." Levi: stands up, Aaron: is bug eyed, I: am blushing. Then it happens... Levi turned to me, shoved both hands in my shirt and yells "BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES" I: am dying, Aaron: is dying, Adam: is cracking up.

smelly, and exposed... oh the horror.

I have always prayed that my family would make a lasting impact in someones life, God has a sense of humor doesn't He?

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