Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Friend.

First I will say... we are in an incredible place of discovery in our marriage, as parents, in a new home... I am SO blessed. I am SO thankful. I am SO amazed...

but my heart has been heavy lately.

I've always really struggled with dwelling on things, hurting over them, milling over them, stewing about what I should have done differently. I'm very hard on myself...

I care too much about what people think of me... I always have. I have been known to wear make up to the grocery store, change my imperfect outfit 62 times, or duck when I see someone I know and my "face" isn't done... 
hahaha... 
I'm working on it.

BUT there's one area where I really  have to stop... 

I have to stop losing sleep over what people are thinking, or saying, or how I make people feel. Granted, it is important to guard the feelings of others BUT when it's at your own detriment, it's not healthy, and not okay. I'm supposed to care more about what God says than what other people are saying or what I'm afraid they're saying... and I have to realize that if and when people are saying things, be they untrue, skewed, manipulated or just misunderstood... I have to trust that God will vindicate me.

Have I ever said more about someone then I should have, yes. 

Have I ever gossiped, yes.  
 I think most women alive struggle not to do these things... 
women are hard on each other...

I have tried to be a good friend though, I really have. Have I always succeeded, no. Have I always been what I needed to be, no. Have I always not allowed what others said or did not to cloud my judgment... unfortunately no. 

I think we're all guilty of that.

I do think we should all try to pour into one another and serve one another to the best of our ability... it's worth it whether people appreciate it or not. If you can evaluate your friendships and say you've helped, not harmed. We're honest, even if it's uncomfortable. Poured into and invested in others as much as you would want them to pour into and invest in you... you should be proud. You can walk away knowing you chose to do the right thing.

Friendships are intended for the purpose of growth. Encouraging one another in relationships with the Lord, encouraging one another as mothers, and wives... growth... not fear, intimidation, manipulation and bad mouthing one another. It's all so shallow and empty... sure when it's new, it's fun for a period of time... but then comes the true test... a disagreement (stemming from sheer emotional exhaustion preparing for deployed husbands to come home bahaha@Mal)  an annoying flaw,  (2 weeks in a hotel room together in a foreign country... @Ashley V. hahahahaha) an ugly rumor or assumption ... in the places of weakness where the front we pose falls away and we just are who we really are... true friends love one another beyond those things, faults, flaws... even downright annoyances. When it's genuine and real, friends can A.) confront in love if it annoys you that badly or B.) accept that those things are just part of who that person is and love them anyway. That's depth...

Even if they are a PMSing B-AH...
(hahaha, yes, I really said that... it happens)

Friendships are not about what people will do for you, make you, or give you. Friendships are about the people involved in them and how they push each other to grow and be better people. Friendships are supposed to be a safe place, when you can confide in one another without fear  of judgment, or of that confidence being broken, where you can go when you need to be heard... or just be told everything will be okay, "I will walk this out with you." where you can go and be honest, and know you'll receive honesty in return.

There are different types of friends:
  • the ones you call to talk to when you need to be heard.
  • the ones that make you relax, let your hair down and laugh till you pee yourself
  • the ones that walk out the hard times right along side you, and are there for many a tear
  • the ones who recognize you need to be confronted, or encouraged to do the right thing
  • the ones that sharpen and refine you... 
All of these qualities (and the ton more I didn't name) can be found in one person, five people, three people... everyone has different things to offer one another. 

But they all have common threads. an attitude of servitude and grace, acceptance and forgiveness, faithfulness and honesty...

 God is just teaching me what it means to have a friend, and what it means to be a friend...

I can say this... I am so incredibly thankful for my friendships. 
 I hope that I can pour into your lives as you've poured into mine...

on a lighter note...

oh my gosh I just realized... I'm a grown up.... 

HA HA HA............