Tuesday, February 7, 2012

cleaning house...

CHORE # 1: BE ON TIME...



Some times I ask myself (and God) why so many things have to change at one time. I like to say I'm good at keeping up with the pace. but many of my friends who know me well... know I run rather behind. You know that saying "oh, her... she'll be late to her own funeral"... yea, that's me. Actually, I can imagine worse has been said by disgruntled friends and family members who always seem to be waiting on me to catch up.

I don't know what it is. It's like I was born in slow motion (36 hrs it took me to arrive on this planet I believe) and I've moved in slow motion ever since. It's sort of a family joke.

No matter how hard I try. Someone poops. Someone pee's. Someone loses a shoe, or a lunch box or an eye... Someone spills milk down the front of their shirt... 
 
It's insanity I'm telling you.

I've decided (rather God has decided) it's time for some house cleaning starting with number uno. me, myself, and I... and I'm going to be there on time...

I asked advice via Facebook today (dangerous I know) but I needed tips and tricks on time savers for other mommy friends. I got some good advice... though some times I still swear their are unseen forces at work when I'm rushing to go somewhere (unseen b/c they're out of my line of sight... I.E 3 ft and under) 

See, It's not always my fault...

CHORE # 2: INSECURITY; YOU MAKE ME UGLY CRY, AND MESS UP MY MAKE UP. 
We're breaking up...


God is doing a bigger work in my life. My desire to worship has grown immensely in the last few weeks... listening to bible studies and worship music daily. I was SO dry but I'm starting to feel that hunger... only the hunger you can know if you've eaten before and your body knows it needs food, so when you're "empty" you stomach growls... or in my case... my heart longs. 

God has removed things from my life lately... and sometimes, frankly, the refinement process sucks.

 It's not fun to see how wrong you've been, how distracted you've been... how you've let your heart get to a place you shouldn't have. Sometimes it takes jumping over a hurdle (or 127) to get to your "ah ha moment" annnnnd If you're anything like me; sometimes you look a short distance away and realize there was a taxi waiting to take you to said cerebral break through. HELLO flashing neon sign atop of said Taxi... MAYBE I should have listened to you honking the horn 127 hurdles ago?!?!?!?!?! Okay, what am I talking about? Some times God says "don't go there, there's a better way" and sometimes our stubborn little human selves go the long/hard/I have short legs and it's hard to jump this high way... because we just HAVE to learn the hard way... 
 
 To be brutally honest...

I've always struggled with insecurity, always hoping to belong to this group or that... always wanting to have someone who understands, someone to talk to. At times I've neglected the One who knows me best though... I think God has removed certain things from my life, some of those being friendships that really mattered to me... all because I didn't realize that I had allowed insecurity in these friendships to eat at me. Insecurity can be a nasty thing because it can warp your perspective and make little things big, and hurt more painful. It put me in such a negative frame of mind... and I HATED that feeling. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a pretty bubbly kind of girl... but oh how the woes of insecurity can make the bubble burst. Such an ugly tool of the enemy, it really is. I am really hard on myself... I re-think, double think and over think about how I could've, should've, would've.... but could've, should've would've will kill you, or make you look like a bumbling idiot in the least. I have been guilty of this. Insecurity will make a moron out of you...it will make a mole hill a mountain and a dip a crater. I think we all struggle with it to an extent... but it's one of my deeper personal struggles.

Two VERY random dealings God's been having with me... but they are two of my biggest and I'm so "there" right now.

But can I please say... I have been filled with more JOY, and more PEACE in the last couple of weeks than in the last year. HOORAY for Godly change

Always - The Shine

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