Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It's been a while...

I know, I know... where in the world have I been?
To answer you honestly, I'm not sure... I've been struggling with some "writers block" or maybe it's been "my life has been topsy turvey lately" block. HAHA.


Nothing has been bad, it's actually probably all good. A new adventure may be afoot. I like to think I am a she-woman who loves to take on a good adventure or two, maybe throw some change into the mix. However, I've noticed something over the last few years since my husbands combat deployment to Iraq... I handle change and separation a little differently. SHOCKER? Probably not, I threw up for 2 days after he came home. My rubber band ball of nerves felt like they'd all sprung lose at the same time!


Anyway, We're looking out on the landscape of some pretty big changes.


We've felt really displaced for about the last 3 and a half to 4 years. We moved from our perfect little house in North Carolina, our INCREDIBLE church we were crazy about. All of our amazing friends who we'd become so close to through deployment. I mean come one, I lived across the street from my still very best friend Mal! Thankfully, she has moved back to Georgia but she still lives almost 2 hours away. I look back on that part of my life with a lot of nostalgia. A lot of good memories, sweet memories, firsts.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back AT ALL... I've got two of the most beautiful little boys this side of the galaxy! But when you're young (I don't think I'm that old yet hahahaha), and in love... you THINK life can't get better. Aaron is/was my first in every sense of the meaning and so every moment with him felt like a perfect adventure. Still does... I love him so.

We've seen our share of some hard times since we moved home.One thing after another... some things that were pretty big blows, some very personal; like the loss of our first child. I was in my second trimester and the loss was considered a "late term" miscarriage. We felt like the baby was a girl so we named her Bella Grace. This among one event after another made us wonder if we'd made the right decision leaving the military and moving back to GA. The following years were full of one trial to the next, and both of us feeling very alone. The only church home I had ever known took a major blow that disheartened me to my core. We couldn't find anywhere where we felt like we "fit" and so we haven't been consistent. My husband broke his leg in a fight with an auto thief, and shortly thereafter suffered a life threatening blood clot and was hospitalized... we've been dealing with blood clot issues since then. I AM NOT complaining, just sharing my experience. These things, among some major more personal things... I didn't handle them all as well as I thought I would/could/should have. I found myself until about 6 months ago... struggling... struggling to be encouraged, struggling to feel motivated to looking forward to what God had in store when I was honestly afraid I'd be "disappointed". There were moments I felt "abandoned". In truth there were days I thought "Lord, where in the world are you?"

My very small human mind huh?

What have I learned? It's okay to walk through valley's... as long as you keep walking.
That's what God's grace is for.

CUE: the open field, the expanse... the freedom!!!

THANK YA JESUS!

Here we are. My marriage... I could go on and on, I am so madly in love with this incredible man, praise God for moving in, and strengthening us! My children... they're almost 3 years (Levi) and 14 months (Blaise) and they are BEAUTIFUL little human beings. Our finances... God's bringing conviction, wisdom, and blessing!

Now here's the part where we're making decisions... and we want it to be the right ones...

I don't want to walk in fear, I want to hear from God... I want to know clearly what we are supposed to do.

We may be making some big changes, and I'm quietly trying to hear exactly where God wants us. We want to feel like we belong because we want to be RIGHT where God wants us, the center of His will. We're ready to "fit" into His will for our lives. We're ready for an awesome church home. We're just READY! Whatever that means, we're listening and want to hear what God says!
 
























1 comment:

2e5f0c32-116d-11e1-b770-000bcdca4d7a said...

This is such a fantastic blog. Thank you for sharing! My name is Michael Stone, editor of the online newspaper Powder Springs Patch (www.powdersprings.patch.com). I was wondering if you would be interested in also posting your blogs on the site, which attracts thousands from the local community each month? We have a special section just for bloggers called "Local Voices" (here's the link to the section: http://powdersprings.patch.com/search/blog_posts). It'd basically be the same thing you're doing here--only you would also have the exposure of those who visit the Patch site. There aren't any word or frequency requirements; you can write as little or as much as you'd like. If you're interested, you can reach me at michael.stone@patch.com. Thank you for your time and keep up the good work!

-Michael